so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
