I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
