So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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