i already hear my dad disowning me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
