Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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