i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
