Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
