I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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