the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
