Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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