man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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