you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
