I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
