You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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