I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
