life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
