Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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