Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
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Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You can't just leave with hair like that
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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