let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
