if i can run in heels then i can drive
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
