If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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