Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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