so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
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I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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