Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
