careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize