And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
