"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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