as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
