Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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