i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
God I need to hump something, right now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
