i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
