And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
