I just cut my nipple shaving
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
is wine microwaveable?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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