You work out of a Hotel?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
