I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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