If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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