if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
