its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
