My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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