She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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