he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this boner is exhausting
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
