Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
