so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
