I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
