Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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