is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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