Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
