I think I died a long time ago.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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