take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?