you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2