Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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