Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water

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  (914): so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water http://tfl.nu/wymr
  Replies (3) Good night (669) Bad night (914)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

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  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (385) Good night (129794) Bad night (4430)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her

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  (513): you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her http://tfl.nu/dn9c
  Replies (48) Good night (826) Bad night (5427)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point

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  (502): she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point http://tfl.nu/71ih
  Replies (20) Good night (783) Bad night (3013)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.

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  (402): Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself. http://tfl.nu/fedc
  Replies (23) Good night (6019) Bad night (684)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.

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  (337): Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night. http://tfl.nu/5kyl
  Replies (36) Good night (6723) Bad night (2390)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.

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  (405): She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together. http://tfl.nu/gjnv
  Replies (7) Good night (3721) Bad night (917)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.

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  (435): Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday. http://tfl.nu/eusa
  Replies (4) Good night (912) Bad night (424)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.

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  (215): If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will. http://tfl.nu/oylu
  Replies (9) Good night (1132) Bad night (397)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.

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  (913): Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis. http://tfl.nu/77ah
  Replies (5) Good night (889) Bad night (446)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"

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  (616): i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!" http://tfl.nu/67ol
  Replies (7) Good night (436) Bad night (789)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.

  (817): View more from Texas

  So yeah he had good weed?

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  (817): I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft. (817): So yeah he had good weed? http://tfl.nu/m1w9
  Replies (4) Good night (772) Bad night (420)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.

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  (401): i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher. http://tfl.nu/v6bw
  Replies (2) Good night (793) Bad night (296)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any

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  (602): You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any http://tfl.nu/y6q6
  Replies (2) Good night (648) Bad night (228)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.

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  (269): Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever. http://tfl.nu/iyut
  Replies (2) Good night (341) Bad night (396)

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