Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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