So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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