I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
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It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.