Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...