How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
