i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
