I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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