you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
