phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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