Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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