Moan for me like Helen Keller
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
