i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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