I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
