Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
