Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
