I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
