...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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