Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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