You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
