I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
