the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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