They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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