Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
