I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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