I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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