I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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